The human race is so complex yet so exquisitely beautiful in the ways we choose to live our lives. This internal choice emanates through to our external actions. The most magnificent aspect of this is that it always changes. It’s not as static as a speed bump, stuck in one place. No, it’s more like an enjoyable rash placing itself on different parts of your body. This continuous change makes it apparent that people are always growing, changing and adapting to life’s daily demands. Life does not remain constant, so how can we earthlings stay the same? Aspects of us stay the same, but the entire package changes like a mood ring on a pregnant woman’s finger.
The way people choose to express their inner selves has become part of being human and coping with the interesting journey called Life. People choose different ways of expressing themselves in order to make sense of who they are at that specific moment, who they aspire to be and who they want the world to view them as. As humans, we adopt different forms of expression such as clothing choices, hair styles/colours, substance usages (alcohol, drugs, etc.), taste in music, playing musical instruments, sports, hobbies, and of course, the list is longer than all of the books of the bible.
I, Tegan, a confused fish on land, do not prefer fixing myself to any specific way of expression. I sometimes love to go swimming, because it is the only place in the world where I constantly feel clean. But also because blocking out the noise of the world, feeling the water gushing over and becoming one with your body, is exhilarating. It is as refreshing as a cold gin and tonic on a hot Egyptian day. Then again, I am absolutely in love with running, because the feeling of running away from everything and everyone and slipping into your own world is cathartic. Due to my leg injury in matric, which will always keep me feeling like a nemo, I had to start expressing the active side of me through swimming or gymming. I absolutely love baking and cooking and tasting the different flavours engulfing my senses. But I also love reading and listening to Afrikaans music which brings me back to my living room at home, where my mom would cry and reminisce, my dad would play air guitar — his favourite instrument — and my brother would try to teach the dogs to dance. I prefer not having a tattoo, as I am quite indecisive and would rather go paint on a wall. This is a perfect indicator of just how intricate and detailed people’s ways of expression are.
I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) when I was 16 years old. This was, of course, not a surprise to anyone. I was prescribed Ritalin at first, and felt like a cage was being forced over my brain. I would randomly start crying whilst going home in the school bus because I felt out of place and extremely emotional. Eventually, after losing so much weight to the point that my clothes could be used as shopping bags and that I could probably fit into a straw, my mother requested that I use Concerta instead. I also decided that never will I allow anything to restrict me or who I am as a person. I ensured that I would remain being the weird thing that I am, even though I actually feel like sleeping and crying. Therefore, it interests me how people react and express themselves whilst being on inhibiting medication.
In effect, I am interested to explore all the facets of human expression. I wish to delve deeper instead of focusing on menial forms of expression. I want to physically feel, taste and experience the ways in which people express their inner beings. The beauty about other people’s forms of expression is not trying to relate to it, but learning about what makes them their own person; what they use to make their life enjoyable, memorable and precious to them.